In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
