i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
