All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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