It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
