ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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