Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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