She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
