1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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