so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
