Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
