Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
