Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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