dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
