dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
