Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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