My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
