Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
