I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
