Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do herpes really smell.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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