So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
