I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
