Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
