i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This house was built for laser tag.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
