Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
