Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
