I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
