Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sex in a hospital.. check
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
