Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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