When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
