Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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