I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
