Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
