yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
