My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to have your abortion
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
