i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
