K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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