dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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