well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
