New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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