i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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