Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
