I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
