So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
