I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
