wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
