Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
