how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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