I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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