I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
