You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
